Here are two of my favorite poems.. I don't like second guessing my poems so sorry if they are crappy or wierd or something...
This one doesn't have a title...
I want to dominate you
I want my edges to scar you
I want you to be smooth so I can fly away
I want your wind in my face making my eyes tear
I want to bend down and feel your snow in my hands
I want to balance on you
I want to trust you to catch me when I fall
I want you to show me what's beyond your point
This also does not have a title
How could we be apart for so long?
Let's never part again
I don't think I could bare it
I loved the letters
It made me feel that you were beside me
They gave me hope
Your kiss relieved my worries
I just want to stay in your arms forever
We will never let go
And live our future
How could we be apart for this long?
Let's never let go of eachother
Let's never let go
ThAnKs
GuYs
Jamie
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4 comments:
My initial impressions on both of the poems is that they are about love. The first seems like it is about the earth or the world or something you do outside. I'm not quite sure. The second seems to be about breaking up with someone and getting back together or it's about someone leaving, like on a trip or something, and then coming together for the first time in a long time. I think the lines, "I loved the letters, it made me feel that you were beside me, they gave me hope, your kiss relieved my worries" were the strongest. I think they both have strong emotions and, while I liked them both, I liked the second one better. I think I was able to understand the message better in that one than the first one. But good job!!
My initial impressions on the poems are just like Sarahs, I think they are about love. The second one seems like it is about reuniting with someone you love.I ALSO think the lines, "I loved the letters, it made me feel that you were beside me, they gave me hope, your kiss relieved my worries" were the strongest. I liked the second one better just because it had stronger imagery. I can't pick out anything in particular I would change but I would try to make stronger images in the first one. But both were amazing. Great job!
-Tyler
also, I wouldn't really change any of the words, but maybe I would just make the message of the first poem more clear.
jamie your first poem scares me...
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